The Cleveland baseball fan, scientifically....

Why should you be a Cleveland baseball fan?  Are you like Liz, Floyd and all good people that simply love the Cleve?  Maybe you egged Albert Belle's house as a kid, he chased you down in his SUV, and now you feel nostalgic?  Maybe you're just a fan of SCIENCE?

You're totally freaking now, right?    

That is right, science.  'Cause devotion to the Tribe is all about science.  You know moneyball, yo!  Like when, you have all sorts of formulas, equations, and stuff and use them to like prove stuff.  And moneyball proves that it always makes sense to love Cleveland baseball.  If you haven't seen Moneyball, you totally should cause it'll change things, man. 

To totally get it, you'll need a little like astrophysics.  'Cause complex shit is going down.  And don't give me that I am sooo smart.  Ohhhh you get Pere Ubu?  Yeah right, poser.  Why don't you try listening with your ears?

You see I saw this special on PBS.  In astrophysics, there are these black holes that like entrap stars.  All they do is drain the stars that are like forced in their orbit, a one way suck.  All light, hope, and heat is drained into their abyss.  It's a one way street towards disappointment and depression, if we are speaking scientifically.  (And we are definitely talking about science and not my own feelings.)

I won't bore you with numbers, because it's science.  But last August was like a baseball black hole.  Again, and I can't stress this enough, my continual crying last August played no role in this number-crunching science.  Cleveland baseball could bring like Einstein to tears, scientifically speaking.

And don't be all, but Bryan, that doesn't sound like a reason to love the Tribe.  Maybe you don't learn because you don't stop talking.   


'Cause like that black hole went all Nova on your ass this off season.  Boom.  Swisher signed.  We got Stubbs.  We got Reynolds.  We got Aviles.  And other shit went down. Then double boom.  Super Nova!  Bourn signed. 

Cleveland soooo improved its team in the off-season.  If you look at complex formulas involving improving power, speed, and defense you totally get how much better the Tribe is.  That is, science says we are better.  I won't bore you with the details.  'Cause it's all blah, blah, blah.  But the numbers prove it. 

Then I had this total revelation.  Black holes, numbers, super nova, moneyball.  And I am like Bryan you fucking genius.  I am like that lady that died from radiation and discovered shit.  Cleveland baseball is like the cosmos.  And what?  You're not going to believe in the cosmos?  Huh?  You gotta love the cosmos. 

So take that bitches.  Proof.

So hurray science!  Hurray, Cleveland!